Conflict

A while ago I ordered several little booklets from CCEF. Among them was one entitled "Conflict". Based on James chapter 4, this little booklet has so much to say about redeeming conflict as an opportunity to mature in Christ and grow in grace. Since I am giving my copy to a friend today, I wanted to highlight the main points so I could have them handy until I order another copy. You can order one too (for only $2.99) at Christian Counseling Education Foundation.

Timothy Lane writes about 5 preliminary perspectives.
"1. The Bible is a story with conflict as a central theme. Conflict is not necessarily bad. In fact there is a way to do conflict that is pleasing to God.
2. Conflict is an opportunity to grow. James says that without trials, we will remain immature, incomplete, and lacking many godly character qualities.
3. The person with whom we are in conflict is there for a divine purpose. God, who is sovereign, loving and wise, sends people into our lives so that he might work in us in ways that can only happen in conflict.
4. There will be times when we will reach an impasse in conflict. We should not let this be an excuse to stop trying to resolve our differences. But it does remind us that we are limited in our ability to change others."

He goes on to look at James 4. "It answers the questions that beg for answers in the midst of conflict. Its answers are not always the ones we want to hear, but they are exactly what we need to hear."

The cause of conflict is found in James 4:1-3

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

The problem is inside us. Our desires turn into a sinful demand. When we try to win at all costs, please to get approval, or avoid conflict (or a person!) in response to conflict, we can probably bet that we are not handling conflict in a biblical way.

Timothy Lane asks some pointed questions to help us look at conflict in a more godly way.
"1.What do I want right now more than Christ and how am I acting to get it?
2.What specifically do I need to repent of? Where do I need to ask for grace? What has hijacked my heart and what do I need to see and believe about Christ?
3.What is your experience as you enter into conflict with me right now? Is it a good experience or a bad one?
4.What would it look like to wisely love the person in conflict with me? Will I warn, encourage, or help?

When you are most conscious of God's love for you in Christ, you are most willing to look at the false love that has replaced your love for him. You are ready to ask specific questions about why you are in conflict with another person. Looking inward moves you outward to see Christ and his grace. The more dazzling his grace becomes, the less attractive your god replacements seem.

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will lift you up. James 4:7-10"

I hope that this encourages you when you face conflict as much as it has encouraged me.