God's Will is Never Second Best

My husband did not get the promotion. For the umpteenth time he came in second. They may promote two people this year, but then again they may not. (And then he would have to go through the whole process again next fall.) We must wait… again. I think this is the hardest spot for me to be in. If he came in dead last, it would be obvious that God did not want him in a supervisory position. (I would think.) I really wanted him to come in first! But second is hard.

I think that I am more disappointed than my husband. He seems to be handling it well. I on the other hand spent yesterday on and off in tears. My husband had the day off since it was Halloween. I just now realized as I write this that God was so good to me to allow us to find out the night before Sean was to be home! Sean was very encouraging. And he’s the one who didn’t get promoted! I was just so worn out physically and emotionally from having full time responsibility of the kids and house while he was away studying. I also had my eyes on what I wanted.

This morning I was reading from Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace . They were talking about conversation, spending time in the Word, and other things about marriage. I was reminded that while I did hope that Sean would get promoted, I specifically prayed that God would bring about what would draw us closer to Him. Whatever it took to make us long for God and put him first in our lives, give us that. Yesterday I actually forgot that I had prayed for that. I also forgot that God’s answer to my prayer could be something other than first or last. I most importantly forgot that what I really long for is not for Sean to be promoted, but to love Christ and enjoy Him above all. If getting promoted is a hindrance to that then I don’t want it.

Yesterday I talked to myself and told myself that God is sovereign; this must be His will. I knew it in my head, but it seemed to stay there. I listened to music that praised God for who he was: almighty, awesome creator, healer of our brokenness. I knew it was good for my soul, even if it didn’t lift me out of my “funk”. But I think that even though I had a day of despondency, feeling like a failure in all areas of my life, God used the music and what I had been reading in months past about his sovereignty and goodness to keep me from falling further into despair. I am so thankful that God is pulling me toward Himself and not letting me sink in my own emotions. After a good night sleep, and a few weird dreams, exercise while reading a good book, and lots of hugs from my husband, I realized that I “felt” normal. Joyful and not depressed. I have never had such a quick turn around in emotions before. I count it as a gift from God!

I also read two other blogs today, Laurie’s and Leslies’s, that spoke about families who are remembering loved ones who died. Boy did that cap off the day and put things into persective. My husband didn’t even loose his job! It feels silly to be depressed about not getting promoted, even if it means more money and respect you think you “deserve”, when others are mourning the loss of a child.